![]() In May of 1985, Stallone would release the rah-rah, Reagan-approved pop-culture juggernaut Rambo: First Blood Part II. The A-list only had room for two ripped action titans at the time. Sure, there was Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson, and there would soon be Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal (not to mention straight-to-video wannabes like Jeff Speakman, Michael Dudikoff, and Don “The Dragon” Wilson), but they were the guys you went to only when you’d already cycled through the lesser Schwarzenegger and Stallone entries like Raw Deal and Cobra. ![]() ![]() Since the early ‘80s, the two had a hammerlock on the big-budget action genre. But first, it’s worth pointing out that back in 1985, the friendly box-office rivalry between Schwarzenegger and his comrade in cinematic sadism, Sylvester Stallone, was at its alpha-male pinnacle. ![]() We’ll get to what makes Commando such an insane slice of Neanderthal nostalgia in a moment. If you were into that sort of thing back in 1985 (and 15-year-old me most definitely was), then Commando has to get your vote as the most self-aware and homoerotic kill-fest of the Reagan era-an era, by the way, that had no shortage of such things. And it’s also a pure shot of straight-no-chaser Ahnuld that somehow manages to both fetishize his ham-sized pecs and ubermensch physique in every frame while turning squib-happy ultraviolence into something so giddily excessive that it unspools like a live-action Tex Avery cartoon (for the record: Scxhwarzenegger scores 81 kills). It’s a deliriously over-the-top slice of Joel Silver-produced macho kitsch that has its tongue firmly planted in its cheek. But it’s certainly his most ‘80s action movie of the ‘80s. Released on this day 35 years ago, 1985’s Commando may not be the Austrian Oak’s greatest action movie of the ‘80s. Still, there’s one film from that period that tends to get overlooked far too often. That’s a pretty amazing run of red-meat spectacles right there. Olympia-turned-unlikely-Hollywood heavyweight cranked out Conan the Barbarian, The Terminator, Predator, The Running Man, Total Recall, and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. In the decade between 19, the seven-time Mr. We want to root for him but does he really need us to root for him? As the audience, we know he's going to come out alright and that the "bad guys" never have good aim even when he's right in front of them.Back in the fall of 1985, it was impossible to be bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger, both in terms of movie-star wattage and sheer Joe Weider muscle mass. And how that's possible is beyond me, and again, does it matter? Matrix is able to escape and with the help of a woman he kidnaps named Cindy, played by Rae Dawn Chong, he is able to track Jenny down to a little island off the coast of Santa Barbara, California. So, that's it, that's why he was abducted and his daughter was kidnapped. Arius wants him to commit a political assassination so he can lead a military coup. His daughter is kidnapped and he is blackmailed by a former Latin American dictator named Arius (played by Dan Hedaya who is probably better remembered by American audiences as Nick Tortelli on "Cheers"). Matrix is a former member of a special forces unit. But in "Commando," Arnold Schwarzenegger's character John Matrix is no match for the countless obstacles that are preventing him from saving his kidnapped daughter, played by a young Alyssa Milano. This is why "Die Hard" was such a great film, the hero of the film didn't look like everyone who came into his way was doomed. Apart from a bad script, there are numerous horrible one-liners and bad acting. These films have outlandish or undeveloped storylines that take a backseat to action sequences that involve the hero of the film being a one man army taking down countless "bad guys." It's an excuse for violence from men with too much testosterone and roid rage that appeals to the adolescent moviegoer. Do the plots in these films actually matter? Probably not. They're extremely boring, anticlimactic, unsatisfying, and for the most part bad films. Surround, Dolby A, Dolby SR, Dolby StereoĪction films don't impress me much. Instead, Matrix sets out to take down the rogue leader and rescue his daughter. After Kirby leaves, Jenny is kidnapped by former Latin American dictator Arius (Dan Hedaya), who wants Matrix to restore him to power. Retired Special Forces soldier John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) lives with daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano) in isolation, but his privacy is disturbed by former commander Franklin Kirby (James Olson), who warns him that his fellow soldiers are getting killed one by one.
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